Uncaged

I knew this day would come. And while I am glad that it has come later rather than sooner, it still vastly affects my routine. Yes, Moe has learned how to climb out of her crib. At 3.2 years old, I know I have been lucky thus far. Her sisters were out of the crib much earlier than she.

But it really is a pain in the royal tush. Now at 6 am, in stead of listing to her play/talk quietly in her bed, I her her bump and then make her way to the bathroom all the while loudly exclaiming "I have to pee". The I feel a little warm body squeeze her way onto my bed twisting and turning, poking and prodding. No longer can I steal a few last moments of sleepy bliss.

Normally, while taking the time to shower, I would put her in her crib. Now she climbs out and feels the need to A) either join me (I don't lock the door so I can hear what they are doing), B) make as big of a mess as she can or C) tries to "talk" on the phone.

And nap time is the worst. She has stopped napping a month or so ago, but I would still put her in her crib for quiet time so I can actually, you know get house work completed. Or cook dinner. Work in the garden/yard without her running into the road. Now she just climbs out and either comes downstairs or goes into her sister's room and disturbs her. Meenie doesn't nap, but she knows enough to either sit on her bed with a book or quietly play with her pony's. Moe doesn't have that self discipline to sit (or do anything) quiet. Hence the reason she's still in a crib.

Oh well, what cn you do. They have to grow up sometime.

Happy Birthday Big Sis!

Today my big sis turns 30. So in some ways, I'd like to make fun of how old she is now. But then I am reminded that I am only a few short years away from that mark. Growing up, I always thought that 30 was old, like end of life old. Now that I am inching closer to it, I realize 30 is still rather young. People are living longer. And to me, my life still has plenty of time to start. Afterall, I don't have a career, other than motherhood, which I fully embrace.

Growing up, my sister was my best friend and worst enemy. I remember spending time with her. I also remember many times where she ditched me as I was a pesky little sister. We shared a few secrets growing up, got into a yelling match in the middle of the school cafeteria, and went out to breakfast way to often when we were supposed to be in school. I think the administrators felt bad for me as I didn't have a choice, afterall, I had to go where my ride went. I never knew why she let me tag along with her to the beach, the amusement park, movies or the dance club. I suppose it was probably because she had to if she wanted to go. Growing up, she was my idol, I wanted to be her.

I was never as cool as she was, as much as I tried to be. But now that I'm older, I realize that that's okay. We kind of completed each other. She was one of the popular girls, I was a bookworm. She was the beauty to my geek. If it wasn't for her, I would have never chosen to go to the highschool I went to (I followed her afterall). And for that I thank her. Because if I didn't I never would have met Husband. Which was at a overnight charity event the school held (which once again, I would probably have been to afraid to do without her). If it wasn't for me, she probably wouldn't have finished high school. Her grades dramatically improved once we were in the same highschool. She actually picked up a book and realized how fun it was to read. Now I am constantly borrowing books from her.

She was the maid of honor at my wedding, an honor I've wanted to reciprocate, but she is still searching for Mister Right. I often dreamed of our kids growing up together, but that dream has not come true either. And while my girls are not lacking for cousins, they don't have a bond with any of them. But Aunty has proven that she can at least spoil them rotten.

Our lives are still very different and for some reason, I feel like I have gotten the easier life. She has worked her butt off since graduating high school and lives not to far away in a townhouse with a roommate. I on the other hand, married my high school sweetheart and finished college. A little while later, the girls came along. I have never held a full time job outside of motherhood because I have never needed to. I remember her telling me she would like to have a child by the time she was 30. Then she would say she wasn't cut out to be a mother. But I know that she would be a great mother, despite her inability to be alone with a child and not freak out.

Despite our differences, she has always been there for me. She's planned countless showers for me, helped me move twice (remember the time you, Pat and I moved into my house while Husband was working?) and even picked up Husband from work when I was too sick to. And she's never complained once (well not much at least). She drove the distance to come visit Meenie when she was in the hospital, even though she didn't need to (she even volunteered to cut her vacation short to come home sooner despite the fact that there was nothing she could have done).

And although I don't see her as much as I would like to, she is still my best friend.

Happy Birthday Big Sis!

The two sides of Moe....

Moe can best be summed up as Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. She's can be the sweetest, politest little child or the devil incarnate. She's a very active, opinionated, strong-willed blue-eyed two year old. She's not afraid to ask for what she wants and doesn't take NO for an answer. If told NO and it's something she really wants she'll just get it herself. She learned at a young age how to drag chairs around to reach things up high. Her sisters come to her from help when they need to get something behind a door with a child-proof cover on it. That's not to say I let her get away with these things. If she grabs a pudding when I say no snacks, I take it away. If she climbs I make her put the chair back and she has a time-out. She also has very good manners, is not afraid to say sorry, likes to snuggle, shares and loves to laugh.

In some ways, she is wise beyond her two years. Maybe it's because she has two older sisters showing her the way. One thing I do know is she plays better with older children, that is children that are at least her age or above. We've been to numerous parties, gatherings and school functions lately. And always, a few parents remark on how well behaved she is. How great she plays with the older kids - she fits right in. They find her sweet, polite and adorable. Over the past few weekends, we went to several Easter Egg Hunts. Moe freely (and without prompting) gave away eggs to other kids who didn't have any/many.

In other ways, she can't play well with others. And by other, I mean children her own age - kids she should be playing with. She's aggressive - she pushes and pinches. She's a bully. She's made a few kids afraid to go near her.

And here is where I feel as I am between a rock and a hard place.

We belong to a few playgroups. One is basically a few moms who get together once a week (we'll call this group A). The kids play, the moms talk. We rotate bringing snacks, toys and an activity for the kids. Very laid back. The other is a international non-profit playgroup (this can be group B). There are rules and governing board (which I was on until I resigned last week). It's very structured. There are many different "groups" within the group you can attend.

Group A we've belonged to since Einey was 9 moths old and we were just meeting friends at a park. It's had some of the same members for the last 4 years - but never more than 10 moms. Many of these moms, like myself, have 3 children, some 4. We've all at some point been pregnant at the same time. We've been through it all.

Group B is larger but still has a "core" group of moms who see each other often. We've been apart of this since this group started (and longer since we were part of the group that formed this group). A lot of these moms have younger kids (and quite a few just single kids).

The above was just to give a little background - it has no influence on anyone, just to give an overview of the two groups. Both groups are formed by intelligent, wonderful women. Women I am glad to be friends with. And like our children, we are all different. It's part of what makes the groups great. We all have our own styles and thoughts.

At group A, Moe is great. She gets along with most kids (older, younger and the same age as her). Occasionally, she'll do a little pushing or try to take a toy away from someone. Occasionally she'll be the one pushed. Always, its a time-out or re-direction after the victim is finished crying and the "sorry's" said. The children smile and go one their way, continuing their playing. The mothers go back to talking. We've all had a child who has been the victim or the bully. At one point, when Einey was 3, there was a child who was a biter. And Einey seemed to always be the one bitten. We never held it against this child, we understood that that is a completely normal phase. In fact, this child is one of Einey's good friends still. It happens, its a normal phase and children eventually outgrow it.

At group B, Moe is a terror. She goes out of her way to push and pinch a few kids. Re-direction and time-outs don't stop. She gets down and does it again. "Sorry's" don't seem good enough. Someone gets frustrated and anger bubbles up. Again, she's two and it is a completely normal phase for her to be going through. While normal, it's not acceptable. And it also feels like some people just don't understand that two-year-olds push. It's part of their development, and while unacceptable, it's a phase that eventually gets outgrown. It just takes time and patience. I cannot just tell her she needs to stop and expect her never to do it again. While a nice thought, it's unrealistic. And at this point, I cannot control when/if she pushes. I can only take steps to discipline her and hope she outgrows it soon.

Because of this, I have resigned from my positions and backed off. And I feel bad. I hate that Moe is a bully. I feel bad for the kids she pushes around. I hate her being punished (although it has to be done). We were told we could still go to events, but it would be "two strikes and your out" - meaning two incidents and we'd have t o leave. This is completely fair and I understand. But at the same time, I can't do it. I know she'll continue this behavior. I know we'd be leaving many playgroups. And for that I just can't do. I do feel it's appropriate to punish her. But I can't bring myself to punish her sister(s). I know it would cause hurt feeling and resentment from them when we had to leave. I know they would be upset with leaving their friends, after all they look forward to it. So essentially, like a wounded child, I took my "toys and left the playground".

Maybe I'm over-thinking this, but it's something that has been on my mind for awhile. Are they over-scheduled or under-scheduled? I try to think of myself as a fairly relaxed parent. I let my daughters play with "male oriented" toys. I encourage dramatic play, make believe, art and sports. I let them play with swords (or rather light sabers) as long as they don't get out of control. Pool noodles are for, yup, bopping each other. They can run barefoot through the grass. They are allowed to jump in mud puddles. They believe in fairies and spend hours during the summer building fairy houses (and love to see that the fairies visit when they see the fairy dust (glitter) sprinkled around the house. Einey plays D&D. Video games are not forbidden. Books are highly encouraged and we make frequent trips to the library. We've taken lessons (swim, music, dance, creative music, soccer) and gone to story hour. We regularly visit zoos, parks, and science centers. I've even been known to let them have candy for breakfast. I let them watch TV. They are happy, so that should be all that counts, right?

So here's my question. How do you deal with an aggressive child? How do you deal with your child being a victim? What would you do? Any advice or comments would be welcome!

Hey Einstein...

You were supposed to turn your clocks ahead last night, not back.

Hahahaha!