Wednesday, October 14, 2009

I am the queen of the morning

alternately titled: I need to buy a freakin' alarm clock because my kids are broken.

I have never needed an alarm clock because I can always count on my kids waking up at the ass crack of dawn, otherwise known as 6:15. For the last week and a half, they've been broken. First it was 6:45, then 7:15 until this week, it's reached 8:00 am that we've been rousing from slumber. School, for the record, starts at 8:30 am.

Here is synopsis of our morning today:

8:00 am - Me, rolls over, looks bleary eyed at the alarm clock. Crap! Yells- girls, time to wake up.

8:01 am - Hears the bus stop across the street (totally irrelevant information, BTW)

8:02 am - Walks into Einey's room and pulls to covers off her

8:02:45 am -Walks into Meenie and Moe's room, pulls to covers off Moe. Start to hand Meenie a long sleeve polo from the closet and pants I grabbed from the top of the hamper as I walked by. She announces she wants to wear a jumper. Puts shirt back in closet and attempts to grab a long sleeve dress shirt, only to find none.

8:04 am - Tosses pants back into hamper, tells Moe to grab pants and a long sleeve shirt and walks to the laundry basket in my room. Asks Einey what she's wearing on the way by. She wants the same as Meenie.

8:04 am - Pull out two jumpers. Search for long sleeve shirt. None, nada, zilch.

8:05 am - Checks Einey closet - none

8:06 am - Runs down to the basement and looks in washer (not that it would help) and finds no long sleeve shirts, mostly polos and short sleeve dress shirts. Quick check of the dryer - adult dark clothes. Basket on he floor? Adult dark clothes. Runs back up(2 sets of)stairs carrying basket because she can see it's a laundry day.

8:07 am - Finds one long sleeve shirt in basket of laundry.

8:09 am - Tells Einey she has to wear a short sleeve dress shirt with a sweater. Looks into closet- only school sweat shirts. CRAP!

8:10 am - Miraculously finds a blue cardigan AND matching knee socks (yes, I know, how hard can that be? But, for some reason, they have THREE different types of blue knee socks). Makes mental note to find out where the other FIVE long sleeve shirts have dissappeared to. I can account for all of their laundry and they're not there.

8:11 am - See's Moe still standing around undressed with no clothes in sight. Moe says her belly hurts. I tell her she probably has to poop and to get dressed. She says "no it hurts right here _ pointing to her mid right side). I feel it, feels find tells her she probably has to poop and to get dressed. She shoots me the stink eye and stomps out the room.

8:12 am - Sees Moe trying to put on size 2-3 tights. I throw those away and hands her a new pair. She puts on her magenta skirt. As I'm looking for a shirt, she asks for her purple owl Halloween shirt. I toss it to her and attempt to herd the cats kids downstairs. Stopping only to help Meenie with her tie. * Start wondering if 8:12 am is too late to transfer them to public school?

8:15 am - Grab signed progress reports AND fundraiser form with money. Walk to kitchen and start shoving them in backpacks (hope I got the right one's!). Fill three water bottles.

8:16 am - Pull down snack box with one hand and grab winter-ish coats with another. Drop snack box on floor, instruction them to only take TWO snacks from the bucket today and some fruit/yogurt/cheese sticks. Also grab plastic spoons in anticipation of them grabbing applesauce. And pull out three earmuffs and deposit on the floor.

8:18 am - Instruct kids to put on shoes while getting snacks and putting them in their lunchboxes while I make their sandwiches. Einey asks for egg salad. I tell her fat chance, takes way to long to boil the eggs. Promise to boil eggs today while I make three bologna and cheese sandwiches.

8:20 am - Zip up lunchboxes and tell the kids to start putting them in their bags. I start combing their hair, finish and see two lunch boxes still on the table. Put those in bags, see kids with coats, shoes (AMAZINGLY because for some reason, this ALWAYS takes Moe 10 minutes, not because she can't do it, but because she's the queen of procrastination and indecision!). Also see kids grabbed BTG** (A nutrigrain bar, a Granola bar and a Rice Crispie treat - ignoring the fact that the last doesn't really fall under a breakfast category)

8:23 am - Walk of the door. Looks at the van and declares the universe hates me. Einey laughs at this declaration. Turn on the van, tell the kids to buckle up or I shut the van off taking away their only source of heat. Start scrapping windows.

8:24 am - Get in, and backs out of driveway. Can't see to well, but the windows will clear soon. I hope.

8:29 am - Pulls into school parking lot. Even remarking how we hit all three red lights between our house and the school. Walk up to school and catch the end of the line. Notice that we can count on others to be running later then us.

8:31 am - Realizes when I see another child in Moe's class walk in, that I sent Moe into school in a skirt and dress shoes. Today is Wednesday. Wednesday is gym day. Shrug it off and say either a) the gym teacher won't come in today or b) it's not like they actually do anything in gym anyway.

8: 52 am *** - Walk back in the door and grab a bowl of cookie crisp not available for public consumption and pour myself a bowl. Vow to start folding laundry once I'm finished checking email and playing around on FaceBook.

* Notice that somehow, I have managed, not only to get dressed, with all clean clothes, but also comb my hair and brush my teeth

** Breakfast To Go - something we've excelled at the past few years....

*** Yes, I realize that's a big time difference, but I was catching up with friends...

~~~Note, normally, we take out uniforms, pack bags and make lunches the night before. We've I've been lazy since returning home from Maine.


Clink said...

and I thought wearing uniforms would simplify a morning!

Suburb Sierra said...

Bravo! I was laughing and exhausted after reading your post. I was away last week so I just finished loads and loads of catch-up laundry and blue knee socks seem to get eaten in our house, not the shirts :)

Lisa Stone said...

This was hilarious. Thank you!

Whirlwind said...


I know Christine, I either need to drive to Fall River or place another order for some more ties and another jumper.

Bryan said...

Holy crap. And I thought our mornings were chaotic.