Frustration

Have you ever had something happen that is beyond your control but that effects your everyday living but you can't do a damn thing about it? And you can't really bitch about it because the wrong person might hear and who knows if it would make things better or worse?

Something that makes you want to scream. Or cry. Or eat a whole box of pumpkin donuts. Or grab your dog and just run/walk really, really fast (because you purposly took your dog to a place you knew her friends just left, so she HAD to cover that 1/2 mile distance as fast as she could - 5 minutes :P)

So yeah, I'm pissed off. Disheartened. Frustrated. Stressed. And it's not even my problem. Only it is. It affects me. And my family. And my life. And I can't do a damn thing about it.

Oh and depending on how things work out over the next few weeks/2 months, I may have to tell my kids that their dream vacation - the one they've been talking about for over a year now when "all the HELL" started (but it was okay - because it was for the greater good - good things would happen at the end- until some asshats had to go and change the game/rules a million times and now the final rule change may make it not attainable and not worth it - because hell, he dared to take one week of vacation months in July because at that point in the game, it was okay, there was plenty of time, but oh shit let's change the rules and NOW you can't take 2 of your other 3 weeks of vacations either and so sorry you, you can't carry them over until next year/take the pay because that's not the way we play - you should have found time to use them, even though you tried and it's not allowed and you can't it's not our problem - and they finally have an end date which isn't far away at all now but again, may not be worth it to pursue) "when Daddy's done school - we're going to Atlantis/Disney (location was to be finalized WHEN we approached an end date that was always changing...)" my not happen. How disappointed will they be? Oh and the roof that NEEDS to be repaired that hell, we may not have the money for anymore either depending on how things turn out.. That they may never get to take their first vacation. Ever. In their lives. And that we're sorry. And people suck.

And that's it. And I know it doesn't make sense. But this is the shit we've dealt with since last July. We thought it was what was best for us, but now we're not so sure. Is the end result worth it? Is putting up with the head games and constant schedule changes worth it?

At least before, the messed up schedule was normal, it didn't change on a whim. It was consistant. We could plan things and not worry about it. Instead of finding out on Monday that the schedule you had for the week has changed again and possibly would before the end of the week. But it's okay because you (I) can deal with it. And thank GOD we have great friends who have helped/offered to shuffle kids around when I couldn't split myself in 2 or 3. And yet, somehow, life goes on, kids get fed, homework gets done activities get accomplished. And eventually we see The Big Kid for more then 5 minutes. But it's okay. Really it is.

Done ranting. GRRRRRR.