Sunday, August 09, 2009

Trained bears to he rescue!

I remember when my kids were small, dreaming of the days they would be potty trained. When Moe was born, all three were in diapers. It didn't take long for that to change, but then I wished they were still in diapers. No one ever tells you that when you have a child who is potty trained, they become potty obsessed. They will demand to use EVERY. DAMN. POTTY. at EVERY. DAMN. PLACE you go. It doesn't matter if you go from Target to Lowes to Micheals to the grocery store and your 10 minutes out from home. They will have to go. Baaaaaad. I'm gonna go right now if you don't take me. So tasks that normally take 45 minutes with diaper clad wee ones now take twice as long.

And then there are the places that don't have flush toilets. You know what I'm talking about, the dreaded port-a-potties. Most people cringe at the thought of using one. Not toddlers. They love them. They're fascinated by them. And while most adults worry about the cleanliness, the germs and the smell, I have a different fear. A slight fear that one of my wee one will lock themselves in, because you know, they need their priiiiiivacyyyy. (As they get older I am less fearful of this). My biggest fear was that they'd fall in (and of course, the door would be locked). I know, you can go ahead and laugh at me now.

Last night, the kiddos school had their annual bazaar - you know, church fair in the school parking lot with carny rides and plenty of games. Husband was gracious enough to walk us to the car after dark to which he beat a hasty goodbye. Nature was calling and he hoped that he could sneak inside the school and use the bathroom. Alas, all that was available was the pitch dark port-a-potty - seriously, they need a light in there! As I drove us, I told him not to drink so much soda later. This prompted the following conversation.

Einey: Why can't daddy drink alot of soda?
Me: Because then he'll need to use the bathroom.
Meenie: And he doesn't want to use the port-a-potty?
Me: Nope, he doesn't like them.
Meenie: Just like me, I don't like them.
Me: I know sweetie, I know.
Meenie: I'm afraid that the port a potty people will come to clean them and start sucking it up while I'm in there.
Me: Is that what your afraid of? That can't happen bub, they need to open the door to suck it out, and if your in there the door will be locked. Plus I won't let them in.
Meenie: So, they have to wait.
Me: Yup.
Meenie: What if someone gets locked in?
Me: You know, I've always wondered the same thing. I guess you'd call the fire department or the police department and they'd come cut the door off.
Moe: No, that's no what happens. They use bears.
Me: Bears?
Moe: yes, bears. The bears scratch a hole in the door.
Me: So the port-a-potty people have trained bears that they bring to the potties when people are stuck so the bears can scratch a hole in them to get out?
Moe: Yup!
Me: Um...
Meenie: Phew, cause the fire department always causes problems.
Einey: Meee-nieeeeeee, the fire department doesn't make problems, they help.
Meenie: You don't like port-a-potties mom either, right?
Me: Um, if I have to go, I have to go, I don't care.
Moe: Then they tape the doors on and it's fixed.

Me recounting the story to Husband later on.
Husband: You have to blog that you know.
Me: Uh, yeah.

So have no fear, if you suddenly find yourself trapped in a port-a-potty, trained bears will come to your rescue!

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