September 11....

A local roadside memorial

The fifth anniversary of the September 11th terrorist attacks is here. The last few days, I have been filled with sadness. I haven't felt like this since the first anniversary. I want to talk to my children about it, but I know they are not old enough to understand.

I still remember that day and everything that happened. Where I was, what I was doing and conversations I had. I woke up late that morning, as I didn't have to work. It was around 9:15 am that I got up and turned the computer on (back then it was a mere 10 feet from my bedroom). I notice a link about 2 planes hitting the World Trade Center. I try the link, out of curiosity, but they don't load. I also notice that I cannot get onto any of the news sites to check the news (local and national). A few minutes later, husband calls from work and asks if I am sitting down. He proceeds to tell me what happened (all I can think is Oh My God). He also wants me to swing by his parents house and see if I can find them Sept. 11 is their wedding anniversary and they had talked about getting up early and catching a plane into NYC to visit the WTC and Statue of Liberty. He couldn't reach them. He then tells me he will call back later. My thoughts were of my unborn child (I was six months along) and of my husband. I was scared for him. I wanted him home with me. I was finally able to reach his parents, they slept in late and were just getting up. Unable to stand being alone, and not knowing when I would talk to my husband or knowing when he would be coming home (he works in a location that was top of the target list and therefore locked down), I packed up and headed to my parents house. There, I remember, just sitting there all day, glued to the TV set with my two sisters and my mom. We answered the phone whenever any one called: "did you hear what happened", "have you heard from your husband?", and cried. It was one of those days where few words were spoken. They didn't have to be. I don't think anyone ate. At one point, one of my sisters left to get my niece. They went to find her husband (he was in the National Guards and pulled for active duty immediately - stationed at the local barracks, awaiting further instructions). Finally, husband called and said he was coming home. They were able to work out a system to get replacements in. I went home and stayed in husband's arms the rest of the day. It was a day of uncertainty. And a day I will never forget, as long as I am alive.

One thing I remember thinking about was my unborn child and how unfair it was to bring her into a world like this. I wanted my unborn child to know the world I grew up in, where it was okay to be out after dark. Where there was no fear of strangers. Where things like this just didn't happen here. I didn't want to bring a child into this world. I kept thinking how selfish I was for thinking like that.

First anniversary. Einey age 9 1/2 months.

Second anniversary. Einey age 1 1/2 years.

Living under 2 hours from the city, I never got to visit the WTC or the Statue of Liberty. It was one of those things that there was no rush to do, it would always be there. I regret not taking that field trip in school and experiencing that.

God Bless America!

This summer.