Sunday, November 16, 2008

Left out

Friday was a first for us. The first day of consoling a child who didn't get invited to a good friend's birthday party. I picked up Einey from school Friday and she asked if she was going over to the birthday party of Cookie ofter school. I told her no, we didn't get an invitation and asked her how she knew there was a party. She said all the girls were talking about it at recess today. You see, they have a class of 15 kids, 10 of them are girls. I saw the mother hand out the invitations the week before to at five girls. It was the first girl sleep over. When we arrived home, Einey was in tears and didn't want to get out of the van. She wanted to play with a friend.

I told her we'd call a friend and see if they could come over, but it would have to be a non-school friend. Because all the girls were going to the party. And her two best friends were playing together already and the other three boys usually stayed for extended day. She didn't want that. In the end, we went over to a friends house. Einey was shy and still sad, but quickly came out of her funk and had a really good time.

I get that parents can't invite everyone to parties. And we don't always attend every party we go to. With three kids in school and involved in other activities, we just can't do it. But it's so hard when you child is the one left out. Left out from a good friend's party. A child who she's been in class with for two years, cheered with for two years, been in brownies with for two years, whose come to her parties for two years and whom she's visited their house a few times in the past.

It's not going to be the last time she's disappointed. But it was definitely the first time I've seen her crushed like this. And it's hard. Her tears broke my heart.

Edit: Things are good now. Einey talked it over and she understands, her feelings are no longer hurt. She's happy and out of her funk.

6 comments:

Stimey said...

I'm glad she feels better, but ouch. Don't you wish you could feel the hurt instead of them?

Anonymous said...

was it cleared up why this "GOOD FRIEND" left her out ?

SciFi Dad said...

That's tough, and I've got to say, it's pretty shitty of that mom to not invite one girl in the whole class... talk about ostracizing...

Fairly Odd Mother said...

Yeah, that is an OUCH! I hate when life disappoints or hurts them.

OK, but here is the question: Do you leave this little girl off of the guests list the next time Einey has a party?

Whirlwind said...

Stimey - Yes! But as a mom, I could make her feel better. I found another friend to play with and took them out for a special dinner.

Anonymous - No. But I presume it was because of space. We're leaving it at that. No need to stir the pot even further.

Scifi Dad - Well there was at least one other girl not invited - probably two or three others.

Fairly Odd Mother - Actually - no I didn't (we sent out her invites last week as well). Ironically - prior to this, we had a discussion about another kid (the sort of class misfit) whom she didn't really want to invite. We discussed feelings and how it wouldn't be okay to invite the other 13 kids in the class and not him. That post is in the que on another blog currently, awaiting the blog owners posting date.

slouching mom said...

Sigh. I wish I could spare all children this hurt, the pain of exclusion. But, as others have pointed out, it probably wouldn't be good for a kid never to experience any rejection at all.

I'm glad you were able to soften the blow...